Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Budget 2009: Cricket authorities to offer "old-player" subsidy

Cricketing authorities are offering up to £2000 for old players when traded in for newer, shinier versions.

The committee of one local team, Kirk Brae CC based in Liberton, has expressed caution, saying the scheme may result in many serviceable members being scrapped. "There's no doubt that new members would greatly improve efficiency both on and off the pitch, reducing carbon emissions" said one government spokesman.

Anthony Nuttella, Chairman of a local "green" Rapid Response Action Group, disputed the evidence behind government claims. His group suggests that the plan is a thinly disguised ploy to boost spending on cricket-related items and would actually increase total emissions of hot air. Nutella claims that huge amounts of resources are used in the creation of single new member of a cricket club and it is therefore much more efficient to use aged, decrepit or generally unenthusiastic players "until they can't see the ball".

The subsidy will be available from the end of the current season.

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