Even more on plastic trophies

Have a look at these!

"Punched in the guts" Is this your club's champion bowler, mid-delivery stride? Or is it a plastic re-enactment of that famous photo from the Spanish Civil war, showing an unlucky ant-fascist getting shot?

"Cricketers in a half shell"
Ha ha! Steve won one like this a couple of years back. It's monstrous. It fails completely and utterly in its efforts to look all "august" and impressive. (At least Steve was unable to break the bat off this one.)

"The claw"
Good God man! I'm having nightmares about this. Imagine those sickly, decaying hands reaching up through the mantel piece! Those ghouls are after my collection of "Most Improved Player" trophies!

More plastic trophies

Steve has started me off on plastic trophies.

I'm really not a fan of those plastic trophies and I will be trying to make sure they are banished from our end of season awards booze ups / dinners for evermore.

Since his post, I've been rummaging around the house trying to find my stash of plastic past glories. There are two of which I am particularly proud. Two of these deformed, plastic cricketers represent an achievement that very few of you can match.

Here's a photo of them:


You won't be able to read the inscription, so I'll repeat it here. On the right, is my award for the 2004 cricket season. On the left is my award for 2007. The remarkable thing is that BOTH awards are to mark my achievements at the same club as ... MOST IMPROVED PLAYER.

It just goes to show what you can achieve, if you start from a low enough base level. Year 1: I managed to hold the bat the right way round, and only swallowed two metal spikes from my boots. Year 2: I scored 15 legitimate runs off my backside and managed to limit my trademark "beamer" to one an over. Fantastic.

I'm taking a bit of a slump in form this season. It's all part of a plan. I CAN and WILL win this award again!

Where do you keep your broken plastic trophies?

Okay, you’ve won the club’s batting award for the season, and despite the embarrassing heckles from your team mates when you stand up to collect it, you are secretly quite chuffed.

You sit down and take a closer look at the trophy. Your surname has been spelled incorrectly and the little plastic batsman is playing a shot that would only be possible for a triple jointed human. But no matter, you’re still chuffed.

The awards dinner finishes and you all decide to move on to a pub for a few more drinks, so you pick up your trophy from the table and accidently break the little plastic bat off. Hmmm, no matter…"I’ll just pop the bat in my pocket and glue it back on at a later date"………..but you never do. Infact one year down the line and that little plastic trophy sits at the back of a cupboard next to other trophies and medals gathered throughout the years.

Years go by, and then one day when you remember where the linseed oil is, you open the cupboard door, and there they are clumped up together, reminding you that you "used" to be good. You pick one up, read the misspelled name and notice the bat and stumps are missing, sigh and then smile because although you would never admit it, you’re still chuffed.